When I woke up again, it was because Lynn was crawling over me to go to the bathroom. When she was gone, I looked at the clock. 4:00 am! Shit! I neede... to sleep more. I closed my eyes and was practically asleep again before Lynn came back to the bed. When she returned, she didn't crawl over me to get back in the middle. Instead, she curled up behind me, spooning with me. I wasn't sure that liked being face-to-face with Ben, without Lynn in the middle. But I certainly liked the feeling of her. At the end of the day, both Simon and I were just human beings, with the same sex urge as other men and both of us occasionally found ourselves in a situation where we simply could not restrain ourselves. And so we both had the occasional one-off fuck with some guy whom we had found just too tempting to turn down. But such little one-off sexual peccadilloes in no way impinged on the relationship Simon and I shared, which was as solid as a rock: jealousy was a feeling which did not exist between. Don't you agree?"He seemed to be considering what I had said but then he paused."I don't know that moving in here would be a good idea. We aren't married any longer and I don't know how it would look. And, I don't want to give the wrong impression to anyone, including you."I didn't like what he had just said. I wasn't sure what he meant by that statement so I decided to ask."What do you mean by that? What wrong impression? I love you and you love me. What more is there?" We parted under. Some nights I simply played soft jazz ballads and lay on my bed with my imagination and my own determined hands. Inside my head was a spinning wheel of men (and very few women) that would visit my dreams. I imagined adult versions of someone from my previous school and orchestrated in my head a hypothetical meet up after graduation. I saw my current classmates in sequence, taking turns. I would switch fingers inside of me to represent the different boys, sometimes working 2 or 3 fingers into.
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